Kurdish men are increasingly proposing to the beautiful blonde girl, who has grown up in an open society which originally gave her the right to fall in love with a foreign man; then she finds herself in a much more challenging environment (that was the best, politest and most optimistic way I could word what I wanted to say).
|Marrying the Kurdish man|
While Mr. Kurd is throwing the “Will you marry me?” question
Poor me is getting the “Will you help me?” question from Western girls who are.. well, in love and lost.
Most recently, I got an email from someone who has already said yes. Her questions were more on the visit (correction: living) in Kurdistan. This, reminded me of the infinite woman who had previously emailed asking what they should expect, and well…. tips! I am writing an entry today, only because I have recently met few women who have walked the isle (errrrr…. or had that awkward Mullah* experience) with their Mr. Kurdish Prince, this has given me enough confidence to give you an insight of what to expect as a wife to a Kurdish man (please note that not all Kurdish men are the same. You might disagree with me here. But that doesn’t matter) and how do you go about meeting his family back home!!
Anyhowwwww. Let me get into this. I asked #TwitterKurds to give advice that I can share with you, my dearest Bride-To-Be to Mr. Kurd, sadly, most of the comments were not too positive with a few “Just don’t do it” replies. But let’s ignore those.
|Bwk w zawa (bride and groom in Kurdish)|
Here are some tips from #TwitterKurds – of course, with my extra commentating here and there:
Tip Number 1 from @fawakii – “Be ready for intruding family members”
This made me laugh, because yes, expect lots of intrusion. There’s a joke among girls that you don’t just say “I do” to your Mr. Prince Charming, but in agreeing to the marriage, you are saying “I do” to the King and Queen of your Prince. I am sorry, on this one I can’t help you out more than this.
Tip Number 2 from @HediKurds – “Expect to wash the dishes after every gathering and prepare yourself for a close relationship with his fam.”
Yup. Unless your mother-in-law has A) a dish washer or B) an Ethiopian maid then it is only polite and thoughtful of you to nominate yourself to wash the dishes. Sometimes it is not a matter of choice, if your one of your in-laws are outspoken they might kindly ask you to help wash the dishes. So save yourself the embarrassment and take initiative as soon as the tea comes to go to the kitchen and wash the dishes (while you’re at it, wash the huge pots too. TIP: fill the pots with warm water and add some dishwashing liquid then just leave it on the sink. They will think you wanted to come back later and wash it, but you just happen to have forgotten. Evil plan. Apparently always works).
Very Important: While you will hear a lot about Kurdish mother-in-laws, from experience I can tell you, they are and they can be the greatest individuals ever. After all, she is the one who gave birth to your groom.~
|Don’t steal him from his family|
Tip Number 3 from @fafabeans – “Love is love. if they respect & love you, & want u to be happy/successful go for it. But following the same religion helps!”
Aaahhh yes, religion. While you and your Prince Charming have probably agreed on the little details: Like, he has probably mentioned to you 1) he wants to name his future kids Kurdish names and 2) he is going to circumcise his son, there is always the bigger issue when it comes to religion. If his parents were first reluctant of you joining the family the main reason would probably be because you are of a different faith. If you have agreed to convert to Islam you should feel a little more welcomed (I am just guessing this one) my tip for you, my dearest Bride-To-Be is celebrate the family special occasions like Jezhn–eid– dress up, make an effort, respect the holy month of Ramadan whether you have decided to fast or not, and read about the Quraan.
Religion on one side, in my opinion it is more the culture that you have to be aware of. If you are visiting Kurdistan with him for the first time, to be introduced to La Familia (or is it Le? anywaaaayyy) then I do advice you to do the following (for your good, for his good, for the good of mankind–lame joke, sorry!)
1. Take out any piercings that you might have on your eyebrows, tongue, lips. You can keep your bellybutton piercing. Because I am assuming that you aren’t planning to show your belly- That is a NO NO!! Nose piercings should be fine.
2. Dress modestly. This does not mean you wear skirts covering your ankles and your Prince’s baggy shirt. However, skirts should not be above the knees, don’t show too much cleavage, t-shirts are fine, these are all guidelines to start off with. After a while you will be wise enough to make appropriate decisions as to what to wear where.
|No need to over-do it|
As soon as you arrive, make yourself some nice Jli Kurdi (Kurdish clothes, I have blogged about this a lot, so feel at home and browse the blog for more information) wear them in special celebrations or even fancy dinners where you can’t make a decision of what is appreciate to wear. Because when it comes to Kurdish traditional clothes you can wear them any time, any day to any event and they are always appropriate. On that point everyone will complement you, that way you can smile and say “zor supas” in your sweet newly-learned Kurdish accent. (Awww!! I can already imagine how stunning you will look.)
|Kurdish artist in Kurdish clothes, see more here|
Random tip (Number five) – “Do not live with your in-laws”
A few of the western women I know, who are happily married to a Mr. Kurd and are now living in Kurdistan would probably yell this tip in your face. Not because your in-laws are evil devils (in fact they might be just a little bit too nice) but keep in mind that while your Prince has lived in the west, your in-laws haven’t. So it is only natural for them to observe you very closely and criticize some of your decisions/ actions at the start.
Okay…I think that is enough for now. Study these closely and stay tuned for PART II.
In PART III I will talk about your Big Fat Kurdish Wedding. 🙂 hehe!! Until then xoshm awe, now you tell me what that means.
* Usually, saying “I do” the islamic way — which is how the majority of Kurdish girls get married — includes sitting in front of the Mullah (religious man) and saying yes to him. It is a rather awkward moment for many girls.
~Don’t be under an impression she is an evil witch, because she has the sweetest words and is filled with lovely emotions. If she loves her son, she will love you more. Trust me. Very few will have the mission of destroying your marriage.