I DO – Part II

Helllooo Loyal Blog Reader,Last Wednesday I wrote an entry for a group of desperate Western girls who had emailed over time asking how it is to be married into a Kurdish family, since Mr. Prince Charming (who happens to be a Kurd) had proposed!

Your fairytale with Mr. Kurd begins…

You know the drill, let’s start with #TwitterKurds hints

Tip Number 6 from @AlanMAziz – “Keep an open mind realize that it’s a completely different culture and there’s different expectations for women.” 
This we can argue about. Yes, be open minded, and yes you might not be able to feel entirely comfortable riding your bike in the early mornings through the streets of this beautiful city with your other half. But let’s be honest, this does not mean it is the end of the world. You can freely go for walks in the evenings, sit at a cafe (outdoor or indoor), go watch movies (Empire Cinemas in Family Mall best option so far), go ice-skating, and what else is there? Basically, even if you are the type who likes to enjoy a drink at the bar on Thursday afternoons (NOTE: It will take a while after you arrive in Kurdistan to learn that Thursday is Friday, and Sunday is actually Monday) there are options for that as well. Although, I am definitely the wrong person to give you advice on these places.

Liana emailed saying she could not stop laughing reading the previous entry because she actually went through all the stages, and her advice is: You must study Mr. Prince’s family well (So this is Tip Number 7 from Liana) I guess you can ask him how open minded his family members are. For example, some will not mind if Mr. Prince helps out in the kitchen, while other families (well, the mother-in-law in particular) might see this as the end of the world. After all, her poor, sweet son after so long finally got married only to end up in the kitchen. Hence, you might like to take on roles such as washing dishes, cooking, and doing the laundry when you sense there is a CIA member around.

Your dream Mr. Kurd

Now I have not seen this myself.* However, what I know to be very true is that it is expected of a woman to be the loving parent to her children, to sacrifice for her children’s sake and she should respect her partner. It is essential for women in my society, those who are in the golden cage, (this term is used to refer to the married life for a girl. Please don’t get me started on this one, I don’t see the point, a cage is a cage whether it is gold, diamond or plastic, anywayyyy) they prioritize their time for their family, even if they are working. While some perceive this as negative, I see it as one of the beautiful attributes that keeps the family bond strong (though the man of the house should do the same. That’s just my opinion).

Tip Number 8 from Nicole – “Let him know from the start what you are not willing to compromise in your life.”  
Since these wise words came from someone who has already been through the experience, all I can add is that you can make it clear to your Kurdish Prince early on, before you say “I do”, what you are and what you are not willing to change in yourself and your life. For example, if you are not willing to have a baby (boy!) at least three years into the marriage let him know (because two days after you are declared as husband and wife every person in the neighborhood wants to know if you are expecting yet or not, and if not, then why not? hehe. Yup!). So, if at anytime your Mr. Prince gets affected by those side-talks from those who can’t wait for him to be a father  you can just kindly remind him of you prior agreements. (By the way, to be honest, I didn’t think people would ask a western bride why she doesn’t have a baby bump yet, but Nicole brought it up in her email. Looks like beautiful Miss Blonde gets treated the same as any Kurdish girl.)

Tip Number 9 from Mariana – “The good side is you can get away with many things.”
I am not sure what you can get away with, but maybe Mariana means when you have a chance to use the excuse “I didn’t know, I have not grown up here” just use it.

Nicole and Mariana shared their amazing experience in marrying Mr. Kurd (one in UK the other in Australia) and then returning to Kurdsitan to live here for good. Nicole is a mother of three children (two births given in Erbil) and is happier than she can ever be though she did say “tell all those girls who are in love and lost as you put it not to worry, nothing is scarier than the moment your mother drops her mouth wide open ‘Kazakhstan?!!!!!!!!'” Hence, if you have got through introducing Mr. Kurd to your family (and your family come to believe that Kurdistan does exist in this planet) then everything after that is a piece of cake (or a dish of dolma? Sorry, lame again? SK?!?!).  At the end of her email she signed off: “Sazan, tell your Loyal Readers after saying “I do” to my Mr. Kurd, him, his family and life in Kurdistan has given me some headache at some points, but if I was asked again, still I would say I DO. LOUD AND CLEAR.”

Best way to finish off, next stop your wedding!!

Till next Wednesday
keep smiling,

* But I must admit I do have the best mother-in-law one can wish for! 


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