Daya Sazan Diaries

My days have been tough. In between a dislocated toe, a to-do list that I can never see ticks next to, a research that I am lagging behind in, all that was missing was motherhood depression, sadly that has also knocked at my door for the second week now.

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Motherhood has been the most surreal experience of my life, despite the challenges that comes with it.

I have been in and out of nurseries/ daycares for a few weeks. Before I was a mother, never, ever, did I notice a single nursery. It didn’t even come across my mind for half a second in my 27-year life! All of a sudden all my conversations, texts, phone calls, statuses and drives was to nurseries, from nurseries and about nurseries. Like a secret crush, I stalked every single nursery that happens to have a Facebook page – along the way I tagged my husband in every post I liked and disliked (isn’t it scary knowing anyone in the world can find out where these children go to daycare?!).

This process made me realize just how disadvantaged parents of Kurdistan are when it comes to nursery options. It was disappointing what I witnessed, heard and experienced through this journey. Quality is a cause of great concern, but when quality is apparent then price becomes a concern. This calls for a blog post of its own. But what came to scream out to all you lovely readers is that: I am depressed!

Last week as I heard my toddler crying in a room with strangers, while I was watching on a camera at the reception was one of the hardest emotional experiences ever (after giving birth, of course!). I cried. I cried a lot. I drove to my parent’s house through the roads of my city not in tears, but crying. I am not sure who cried more, me or my son. Honestly, those moments made me feel like a very neglectful mother. I mean I am putting my little one in the hands of a stranger when I am the one who should be raising him. Right? My son crying and calling out my name reaffirmed this feeling. Two weeks later I am still in pain, my heart dreads the morning drop off.

Everyone says it will be OK, but how I wish this process was made smoother for both mother and child. It’s so frustrating that most of the daycares in this city don’t even bother doing an adaptation period. Can we please close their doors? Forever!! So often mothers are left alone in their own guilt, without any source of support. As for our society; It has no mercy! We are so judgmental of other parents.

If you’re reading this and share a similar experience. Just know you’re not alone. No matter what our background is, who we are, and where our children go, we share the same concerns, and experiences. We just happen to live in a society that doesn’t appreciate our emotions or provide us with the support we so often need.

Photo: Rozhan Atrushi, Crown Newborn Photography

If your budget and time allows I definitely recommend mother and baby groups for your children at least two months before nursery begins. That way there is a smoother transition, this is something I didn’t do, but I wish I did.  In Erbil the only place that I know for mother and baby groups is the Fig Club. It is owned by a lovely mother who understands what we all go through.

Until next time lost of love from

My Nest in Kurdistan,

Daya Sazan,

* Thank you to all the lovely staff at my child’s daycare for making this experience much easier for me and my partner. I love you all. 

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