Eights days left. 7:18 AM, at home- Erbil, sitting outside while waiting for my tea to be ready,
Last night I was with a few of my friends, the successful, independent friends who work to live. We met on the condition that we only speak positivity as we are all a little bit stressed these days. Somehow 10 minutes into our gathering it became all about the referendum. You see, the referendum has become every second of our everyday, we live, breathe, dream, and eat all about the referendum.
In 2011, I published My Nest in Kurdistan, a book that I put together before the age of 21. Every page of that book dreams of the moments I am living today. My dreams were made of green, white, red and yellow. I spoke of my peshmerga father, the stories he passed to us, and the values he planted in our hearts and minds… the Kurdistani dream. I even wrote “if I don’t, then may my daughter live to see the birth of an independent Kurdistani state,” Two things to address in that quote. First, I am living to see that date, it is happening in my lifetime and second, I had a son not a daughter.
So how does it feel to be actually living these days, alive to see it all in front of my eyes? Surreal. However there is a but, maybe I was too naive, too young or even too blind to consider a what if situation. What if we are confronted by foreign military, what if our young boys wear uniform again (not that they ever took it off), what if we take this step with lots of weapons, bullets, bloodshed and years and years of conflict, what if we
[As I write this I see military helicopters in the sky]
pay a very heavy price, what if the move is not well planned, what if our own leaders aren’t one about what will happen after the referendum.
Despite all the what ifs, every corner of my beautiful city is waiting with eagerness. It is all about The Dream. As happy as I am deep down I feel down. This past year I have witnessed the suffering of many Kurds- socially and economically to say the least. I wish for this referendum to move this situation a step forward rather than backward. I guess there is a lot of uncertainty, because I, for one, don’t know what will happen. And if my expectations were based on what we hear from foreign diplomats it is not all rosy.
Lots of love from
My Nest in Kurdistan,
Sazan, forever a dreamer